I met someone ten years ago, my first time in a chat room, we chatted for a while . By the end of the night we exchanged personal contact numbers. We became friends and we never went a day without chatting to each other. He was my new found bestie.
We would chat till early hours of the morning and there was never any dull moment.
When I started dating someone he was there through every up and down and we still shared everything.
He was very protective and caring and said he will kill any guy that messed with me.
We grew together him being two years older than me, but we understood each other.
He lived in a different city so we never met. We shared secrets, we shared everything. He knew things no one else knew about me and vice versa.
As time went by and we both worked on our lives, we always had time for each other. There were nights we stayed on the phone for hours, just talking having a laugh, having silly arguments, our conversations were always interesting. We learned a lot about each other and we would call each other wifey and hubby we had this bond that was not easily found, but we found it. And it was without meeting each other
So finally in 2013, he came to my city for business and he called and asked if we could meet up for lunch. That day I was with my mother at a spa and after hearing he’s in town I did everything to speed up the process, but he was so patient he waited for me. I didn’t even have a chance to get dressed up properly but still, I drove over all the speed limits just to get to him.
When I got there he was waiting for me already. I walked in and he walked in behind me, he looked so handsome in his suit and I was smitten right there (giving away the secret)
Because you see by then I had developed feelings for him, but I was not going to ruin our friendship and I chose to sacrifice my heart felt feelings for my friendship
But anyway back to the first meeting , we chose to go to this diner type thing (obviously he had me choose).We went to the last booth in the row and just sat there , he was shy to eat in front of me but we talked and laughed and he looked at me the whole time while I was chatting away. No awkwardness, just two people sitting in a diner, looking like this is something they do everyday.
We wanted to sit there forever and talk but it had to come to an end as I was studying again, and had an evening class to attend.
We walked, through the shopping centre, and when we got outside he couldn't remember where he parked so we had to look for the rental car, I personally think he was nervous and this made him forget, but I get I'll never know.
As soon as we found the car, he insisted on walking me to my car, but I showed him, “Look you can see my car from where you parked’. We hugged and went our separate ways.
From that day onwards I knew that my heart is with him.
I fought against my feelings for him but it consumed me.
We stopped talking for a month because of personal issues he was going through and he didn’t want me involved with it. And I accepted it against my will because he asked me to please allow him to get through this.
December came and went, and we were back on track in January. It was like nothing ever happened. He shared what he went through and I appreciated the fact that he trusted me so much...
In February 2014, my brother's sports would be used to my advantage , see my brother had a tournament in his city. My excitement was real, because I could visit with him as well during that time.
I told him and he was excited with me
We made plans as to the days we will spend together. And what we will do (but we didn't so anything we planned)
I flew up and my family went with the club bus.
I went the day after my family left.
As soon as I stepped on board the aircraft, I was so nervous I had butterflies in my tummy that went crazy. The two hour flight felt like it was two minutes, because in no time the aircraft was descending and we landing.all I said to myself was " you are a strong grown intelligent women, stop this, you'll get through the days "
As I was waiting for my bag, I called my friend and asked her if I was crazy because I will never be able to keep these feelings inside, she said:' bite the bullet and tell him,you are crazy about this man, your eyes says it all and when you talk to me about him, you are so happy!' but I said no, and now I was even more worried, ( my eyes said it all?) what the hell, I need sun glasses I thought. I got my bag and walked out and as soon I saw him, my knees went weak and feet couldn’t move but I made it to him we hugged and left the airport. The drive was weird because we would talk then we would go quiet, and sometimes I could feel him looking at me, but I looked straight ahead. Because all I kept thinking was, my eyes, my eyes will give it away..
Before taking me to the place where I will be staying with my family, we had lunch and just sat there talking I was so nervous I couldn’t eat , but I didn’t show it ( I think) . We had a good time and a good laugh, as always.
My mother called and said all she wanted was a burger, I told him, and we went to buy the burger for her and my brother’s girlfriend. Once ordered we had a silly argument over whose paying, but he has this look, and he gave it to me so I had to put my bank card way.
We drove to the bed and breakfast, upon arrival I asked him to please come meet my mother, he was so nervous and scared he didn’t want to. But as always he gave me my way.
We went inside, I went up to call my mother, and came back down to sit and wait with him.
He was waiting in the lounge for my mother to come down, I could see he was about to have a heart attack but I enjoyed seeing him like that. Because here's this big man, who I know that's always confident but now he's sitting with his hand in his lap like a little child who did something wrong, waiting for his scowling.
When mum finally came down he stood up, they shook hands and I could see he was searching mum's face to see if she liked him.
Then mum embarrassed me , she said ‘ so you are the guy I’ve heard so much about ,and whenever there’s a message from you on my daughters phone she smiles ‘ . Right there I wanted to crawl under a rock. But it went well she liked him.
As I was walking with him to his car he said I must feel how his heart is beating, I just smiled.
When he hugged me goodbye, it felt like he didn’t want to let go, that was the most amazing hug to me.
The next day, which was Friday, we didn’t see each other as we both had plans. But he called me the evening and we spoke on the phone for hours, mum was sighing and throwing comments but she knew I was smitten.
So the Saturday we had this amazing day together. He picked me up the morning and we drove to by a Liverpool t-shirt which I didn’t want,because I don’t support that team , he does, but he wanted me to have a t-shirt. In the end after going to three different shopping centre's I was so lucky they didn’t have the new kit in stock. He just had this disapproving look on h's face but I was jumping for joy. Hey I don't support Liverpool so why would I want the t-shirt? I'd wear it just for him yes but still not my team.
He took me to this lake/park, which was nothing I'd expect of him but he surprised me.
We found this bench between two lined bushes, which over looked the lake, there we sat and talked and just had the best time ever, he wanted to use my bag as a pillow, but I asked him whether he was crazy or not, because you do not use a woman’s Louis Vuitton bag as a pillow, so he said “fine “and put his head in my lap. Obviously this was great but I was surprised even more when he held my hand over his heart.
As the sun was setting, my mum called and said that we would be leaving at 23:00, I was devastated and sad and I could see the same on his face, but we still had 6 hours left. We were going to make the best of it.
We got in his car and went to a restaurant, we sat in the corner. My back was paining, and he rubbed my back in the restaurant (like really)?!
We had supper and after that went to another restaurant to have drinks, we just sat there staring at each other. Not saying much, but it still felt like the best conversation when we left there
I had an hour left before I had to meet up with my family, I was sad and I didn’t want to leave. While driving to our destination, he took my hand and held it the whole drive. That moment, was my moment first moment of impact.
We got to the bus,
I got out of the car, mum came to hug him, which took both of us by surprise, because my mum never likes any of my male friends . But I knew I won with him.
I hugged him and I didn’t want to let go. But as soon as I turned to walk away and I was around the corner he was gone, he texted me and said that if he stayed, he wouldn’t have let that bus leave.
That night I had my next moment of impact, I told him how I felt and he felt the same, I was so happy and our relationship started from there.
The next weekend he was visiting me, we went to my favourite place and we had our first kiss. It was amazing. Many times after that I visited him and we had amazing weekends, we made plans and we wanted to be together forever. And what was even more amazing was when he said he loved me. I was happy, I didn’t want anything else or anyone else. Everything was to good to be true
And then
He’s life got turned upside down, it hit him like a bus and he didn’t know how to handle it , because of this he made the conscious decision to push me away because he didn’t want me worrying about him and going through this with him. He said he was protecting me, which I could not understand, and I told him that I’d be there no matter what happens and no matter how hard things gets, I’ll fight this battle with him. But he decided that I'd leave him and not be there. He made choices for both of us, which broke me, but I didn't give up.
But that was frowned upon,you see he's a very materialistic man, and money is what drives him, and I think he's terrified of not being powerful, moneywise, which is sad because one's humanity should not be dependent on what you have in material or monetary value, this life event changed him.
He started talking to me like I was a stranger, that's if he spoke to me, but yet no matter how hard he pushed me away, I still tried to show him that I’d always be there. I'd stick by him even if he had nothing else to offer me but his heart.
This year came and it’s been even harder, because he’s pushing me even further away, and now living in the same city I feel like Im living in a different country. It's sad.
I’ve been trying to love him harder, been trying to show him that nothing will ever change the way I am with him, I still respect him the same way I respect my father, and even if he called me three months down the line ill always answer and treat him the same as I did from day one, but these words mean nothing him, I know people change, but I can't understand how this amazing warm loving man could be so cold…. Still I try and still he pushes me away and it's unbearable, heartbreaking, bolting every second worse than the last, but I push through because I know that we could be happy together, but I'm the only one who knows this …. He’s going through this life change but I don’t think he needs to go through it alone when he has someone who loves him.
in the end I can’t undo ruining a friendship and I can’t stop loving this man, but he's moved away from our relationship... And still I'm hoping and praying he comes back... 🙏
Kal ho naa ho
"for tomorrow may never come "
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