something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was
thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my
words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at
me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied
her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own
our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I
felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I
didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired
after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but
needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both
struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams
in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had
carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the
month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought
she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was
absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly
expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with
her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the
bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could
smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a
long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her
hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I
had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the
woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that
our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not
find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized
that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured
to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly
and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I
could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t
noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce
anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She
said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life
was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we
didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our
wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly
wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only
to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was
so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save
me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the
divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion,
the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build
intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not
realize how close they were to success when they gave up
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